Change and Worthiness



Change isn't something us humans tend to love. In fact science shows we're pretty downright crappy at it. Given the opportunity to step into the unknown or to stay in uncomfy and unhealthy situations we tend to go with the latter, we tend to say, 'better the devil we know'. 

I'm not one for resolutions, that word tossed about at the cusp of a new year. The term feels somewhat flimsy to me.  So I've made a 'commitment' to myself this new year around a few very simple things.

Growing up, I learned some not-so-healthy habits around food, drink and exercise. In life, I learned to just 'do my best' rather than not to quit or to really have a go and kick some butt. I developed a tepid attitude to trying things, a half-hearted approach. And I was a quitter: I quit piano, jazz ballet, hockey mostly because I was scared of failing or not being 'good enough'.  We know what we know until we teach ourselves differently. Re-parenting ourselves is part of that, change is part of that. And it can feel scary to step out of our own comfort zone and into new, icky and unfamiliar ways of being. 

This year I made a commitment to come back to my writing (which I've been doing and which terrifies me) and I made a commitment to move my body, to understand my own strength physically. Not super fun when it means giving up a sleep in or sofa time with Netflix. But I'm a month in and this morning I got my bootie to a Body Attack class. Yes it's as evil as it sounds. But I puffed by way though, left beet red and here I am, still alive - change didn't kill me today.

Change is a topic that comes up so often in the therapy space, be that internal personal change, change around loss, change around work or relationships or personal habits and the fear that arises with it. We do tend to feel alone with that fear — as though no one else is also feeling like they're doing a frantic-arm-flailing-dance inside while also trying to look collected on the outside. You're not alone: we're all having heart palpitations as we face fear, we're all feeling a bit wobbly with it, getting the pangs of self doubt of 'who am I to direct a play?' (or whatever it is your heart wanted to have a crack at), we're all being just a bit brave. Keep at it soldiers!

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